Now, before we get this post alive and kickin I have a disclaimer as usual: If you're reading and you know me and you feel "uh she's talking about me", I mentioned no names but if you feel it's you there's obviously changes you need to make or just pop right out of my life lol.
This is the second blogpost in the "People series" and I'm loving this series. I've been doing a lot of hauls lately which is getting boring and this is kinda fun, it's like having a conversation with you guys.
So today! We're going to be talking about fake friends. Yaaaas girl, you need to dedicate that time of the day just to read Lauren's posts because these posts getting juicier, shadier and indirect. lol. Kidding, I have had a few in my lifetime though. I'm going to cover how to spot them and how to deal with them.
Signs of a fake ass friend!
1. You only exist when they need something.
That's not how friendship works boo. Anything your friend can help you with is a bonus that comes with your friendship. You need to be checking on all your friends finding out how they are all the time but I certainly have this and most people certainly have this rule - if you don't text me I won't text you. That's very important and it's one way to cut people off very quickly. Texts are so powerful and an unread one or a read and ignored one can cause hell fire between people. In my last post I said I was friends with some girls back in year 8 and I didn't really fit in, however I was the first one in the group to get an iPhone in the 5 series and suddenly everybody wanted to use my phone for selfies!
Lol, stupidly and young at the time that was the time everyone wanted to be friends with me and use it to take pictures because of the quality. I gave in and I was like yay they finally like me! What happened: flashing it about way too much got it stolen and the high went down and they went back to treating me like crap.
2. They are not over the moon about your success.
This may be hard or easy to see depending on the type of person. I'm not trying to be cocky however there's things I love about myself and those are particularly what God has given me. God gave me a talent in drawing and it's very easy to see when someone doesn't like the fact that I can draw. They shrug achievements off or don't congratulate you at all. That's the type of people you don't need to be around.
3. Negative ass attitude
Good friends try and make you happy, they only really stop when something in their life is truly eating them up. They're not going to tell you to go away if they have a headache or they've had a breakup because they know that's silly. If they have the Go away leave me alone attitude that's a bad bad friend.
3. Shady ass behaviour
This is something I've experienced quite a lot and it's very very annoying. You tell someone something and expect them to keep it and they just blurt it out in front of four of your other friends "without thinking". It took thinking to form what you were going to say so, that's shady.
4. You.
If you have to be fake around them, change who you are around them. That's a big no no! I've done this before. It leads to telling little white lies and then trying to keep up the lies till it spills out! If you have to change yourself around them this means that you're afraid to show them the real you. Which isn't okay.
5. Lies
This is hard to suss out if you don't really know their life story. Some lies may be prominent though. Some tell lies to make themselves look better. I've been in an instance where all of us were talking about our relationships and I discussed a present bought for me by bae and another girl was like "oh how, crap I got this Michael Kors bag and this £200 cheque". That was when I was like hold on. Your boyfriend is 16, you were crying to me the other day about him being thrown out of his house and now he can afford MK? Girl, I'll stick to the teddy bear I got for Vals day.
6. They never have your back
This is a classic! So you fall in conflict with someone and all of a sudden this friend disappears or they just totally keep quiet and not say anything or help your situation. This is because they usually have a negative connection with the person coming at you and them having your back would make them look silly. So, there you have it.
7. CRITICAL OF EVERYTHING YOU DO!
This is a huge one that's easy to spot. I've done pieces of artwork and instead of constructive Criticism "oh you could do this to make it better..." I get, "what's this?" "Why is her face like that" "she looks like this/that". The funniest thing is that they couldn't even do better, that's why the Criticism isn't constructive. It's only now that my makeup game is beginning to be on point, before I was the only one in my squad who didn't do their eyebrows, didn't do their nails and just went out with foundation and mascara on. With that little bit that I used to do sometimes I would get "your so cakey" meanwhile, there's a hundred other products slapped on their face.
8. Friends with no ambitions
This is not really a sign of a fake friend but it can be. If someone has no ambition that's cool for them. When that attitude starts rubbing off on you and you have ambitions that's a problem. A fake friend with no ambition is the worst. They're gonna steer you in the wrong directions, mess you up in School and just disturb you and often you miss your road to where you need to go to become successful and have to start up all over again when you realise it was them that was fake but by then it's too late!
9. They only talk about other people
If your only points of discussion are what's going on in somebody's life then that's a big problem. If they can talk about other people that much to you, they can do the same about you to other people. It just proves that's what they like to talk about (people's business) and no matter who's business it is (yours or theirs) they'll talk. It's just if its yours they'll find someone else to talk it to.
10. Listen to my problems, I'll listen to yours later.
This is a really hurtful one. I find that if I don't tell my best friend something it eats me up. She's a source of relief, if I let her know she comforts me and it's all a bit better. This has to happen both ways otherwise one person feels a weight lifted of their shoulder and the other person feels burdened with their problems and yours which you've not told them. As your bottling it all you'll soon explode.
Three ways to deal with these fake people!
1. The "lets sort it out approach"
There's a high chance that when you eventually leave they'll be like "oh my God, I didn't know you felt like that?". So, that line doesn't even roll off their tongue you tell them straight - "this is what you been doing and I don't like it, fix up or get cut loose".
2. Eventually give up
This is the approach I took, it's a quiet one. I stopped hanging with people, cracking jokes and talking about my personal life. If they notice a change then they may think, if not sad to say they never knew you existed in the first place.
3. Have your say before you go
They're fake, they haven't been listening to your problems, congratulating your achievements, been there for you. I'd have a lot to say to you before I leave yo ass! This is linked to number 2. Some people will still have all the wrong the fake friend did them bottled up inside and that'll affect how they treat the next friend they find. So in order to have a fresh start with anybody else, tell that fake friend what they did and leave! It'll leave them either feeling guilty or it'll leave them feeling angry. Whichever way, just leave their ass before they mess up everything for you.
Okay guys, that's it for this post and I hope you guys enjoyed it! That's my second post in the people series. If you haven't seen the first one you can catch it here:
Those are the only posts I can come up with about friendships, the next posts will be about anxiety, self confidence, boys, relationships and growing up. So keep reading for that.
Lauren X
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